Arranged Marriages
"An arranged marriage is a marriage in which neither the bride nor the groom has any official say over the selection of their future spouses. However, in an arranged marriage, both parties give full consent to the marriage. Arranged marriages have been a successful traditional aspect of family life in many cultures for many years."
I come from a family which has a strong inclination towards arranged marriages. Coming from a very conservative background and a strict upbringing, it is generally not easy to oppose my parents on this. Though, not immediate, it will happen one day and am fully aware of it. They would love to pick the right girl for me. I am very sure that they would want the best for their son, and would also want to make sure that I suit the bills of the girl whom they pick. In all probability, the girl will be from the same sub-caste of the million (and counting!) castes in India. They would try to weed through a list of probable brides, to hand pick the one who is a jack of all trades (or closer to that!) - Looks/cooks good, talks/walks good, cultured, educated, smart and most importantly, astrologically and personally compatible with me. This has been the way all through, and my great grandparents, grand parents, and my own parents have all tied the knot this way. They did not know much about their spouse before marriage (infact, a little more than their names only!), but happily entered wedded life.
I am not sure if I would be able to do this. Knowing nothing or very little about someone, and trusting instincts to say "Yes" or "No" to a few probables, and to decide my Wife, who incidentally I am going to spend the rest of my life with, gives me the shrieks! Nevertheless, I believe that this might actually work, considering the fact that my parents, and theirs, and theirs, all lived relatively happy with each other. Added to the fact that I may never be able to find someone on my own (!), makes this a comfortable option to shed the work-load on my parents, while I relax. On the downside, this is like throwing caution to the wind and shooting arrows in the dark - you might be lucky, but on the contrary, your life can be equally in deep s**t as well, if there is absolutely no or minimal compatibility between the two.
On the brighter side, there is the other option - "Love Marriages". This assuming, I do get lucky and meet someone and we really hit it off and one fine day we do decide to get married! The initial hurdle will be to convince my parents to accept her as the bride, amidst ego tussles, conflicting views and what not! Assuming I do get married after convincing (read forcing) my folks, then when marital trouble crops up later, I am on my own and have to accept all blame for the state my marriage is. I would get comfort and support from my family, but not-so-willingly!
That said, do you think "Arranged marriages" still would work these days? Considering the views of today's youth and heavy western influence in the society? Or are they are set to perish and only "Love marriages" would prevail here on?
Thoughts and comments welcome!
I come from a family which has a strong inclination towards arranged marriages. Coming from a very conservative background and a strict upbringing, it is generally not easy to oppose my parents on this. Though, not immediate, it will happen one day and am fully aware of it. They would love to pick the right girl for me. I am very sure that they would want the best for their son, and would also want to make sure that I suit the bills of the girl whom they pick. In all probability, the girl will be from the same sub-caste of the million (and counting!) castes in India. They would try to weed through a list of probable brides, to hand pick the one who is a jack of all trades (or closer to that!) - Looks/cooks good, talks/walks good, cultured, educated, smart and most importantly, astrologically and personally compatible with me. This has been the way all through, and my great grandparents, grand parents, and my own parents have all tied the knot this way. They did not know much about their spouse before marriage (infact, a little more than their names only!), but happily entered wedded life.
I am not sure if I would be able to do this. Knowing nothing or very little about someone, and trusting instincts to say "Yes" or "No" to a few probables, and to decide my Wife, who incidentally I am going to spend the rest of my life with, gives me the shrieks! Nevertheless, I believe that this might actually work, considering the fact that my parents, and theirs, and theirs, all lived relatively happy with each other. Added to the fact that I may never be able to find someone on my own (!), makes this a comfortable option to shed the work-load on my parents, while I relax. On the downside, this is like throwing caution to the wind and shooting arrows in the dark - you might be lucky, but on the contrary, your life can be equally in deep s**t as well, if there is absolutely no or minimal compatibility between the two.
On the brighter side, there is the other option - "Love Marriages". This assuming, I do get lucky and meet someone and we really hit it off and one fine day we do decide to get married! The initial hurdle will be to convince my parents to accept her as the bride, amidst ego tussles, conflicting views and what not! Assuming I do get married after convincing (read forcing) my folks, then when marital trouble crops up later, I am on my own and have to accept all blame for the state my marriage is. I would get comfort and support from my family, but not-so-willingly!
That said, do you think "Arranged marriages" still would work these days? Considering the views of today's youth and heavy western influence in the society? Or are they are set to perish and only "Love marriages" would prevail here on?
Thoughts and comments welcome!
posted by Eclectic Blogger at 10:14 AM
8 Comments:
Hi, thanks for the comment on my blog :-)
This is well thought out and written. Here's my opinion:
When it comes to arranged marriages: True our ancestors hit it well ... The only reason being - we want to think they did. The golden rule in marriages in India is - Mum's the word. Women do not complain OR Women complain ...
Secondly : Parents are NOT always RIGHT. The sooner we the children and they understand that - the better.
Thirdly : It is a Blessing if we find that one person who is totally compatible ...
From life, I've learnt that the journey to find the mate is fun as long as it does not involve hurting others and their feelings; and I am of the opinion that marriage isn't the end, neither is it Everything ... If I am not strong enough to be on my own; I will not be strong enough to live with a man ...
All that the movies show about 'Traditional' 'Conservative' Indian girls is ...... Bulls**t.
And finally, People preffered Arranged Marriage because - IF they find the girl incompatible they could always shift blames to the parents; IF the dowry is just not the right amount they could always make life miserable for the girl ... etc etc ...
Love marriage - If things go wrong there always is Divorce and a second marraige ...
None of the above is a Marriage !!!
Will be leaving you a comment on my blog :-)
Shubh Aarambh over here, Good Luck
Loveena,
(1) 'Traditional' 'Conservative' Indian girls is ...... Bulls**t
May be they exist, yup but not the kind we know. You may perhaps find them in towns and villages, with restricted access to the mdoern world, and of course the internet! Seriously speaking I would love to trade Ms. Rai for one of them ;-)
(2) IF the dowry is just not the right amount they could always make life miserable for the girl ... etc etc ...
Yes, may be only in places where the girl happens to live with the insane family of the nice guy, or if not, with an insane guy. But, otherwise men can do a lot better than that - It is a major ego boost to the male counterpart if he declines any money, vehicle or rupa underwear given by the girls family in the name of 'DOWRY' ;-)
I agree..but here are few steps that needs to be taken in case of arranged marriage ..(look at the comments section)..
Related post here ..Hope it helps !!
After reading the "Rules book" I have only one word - Adengappa!! Thanks...
Thanks for the comment on my blog.
Well, I don't understand why you are blogging anonymously.
About the blog : my friend from Ethopia and me had a similar discussion about one hr ago( of reading ur blog).. n I think there are PROS and CONS to both.....
Good luck with your search for your life partner.. :-)
tata
sukku
It all comes down to reliability vs romanceability ;). Seriously though, there is a nice article on this called Principle of Adaptation, here
Check it out. They talk about each person's adaptability to the other in case they come from different backgrounds. Very interesting article.
Thanks for stopping by my blog, I had answered your question in some of the earlier comments I made in that blog, you might want to take a look.
Regards,
Priya.
@sukku - mikke nanri; theduthal innum oru-iru varudangalil thodangum enru nambigiren (not mine, my folks!)
@tamizhan - nice point, varavu-selavu kanakku pottu paatheengello ;-)
@Priya - thanks; principle of adaptbility is too gud as well ;-)
Hmm.. whatever u said is true.. but i guess even "compromise" eventually grows to "love" in the case of arranged marriages...
Post a Comment
<< Home