Seems like there is no time/motivation/ideas to write more!

Hmm.

Over 18 pls!

1. Teacher: Do you know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.


2. Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How does yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"8, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. Wat abt urs?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find urs!!


4. Wife: Who's that woman who is staring at us?
Hubby: Shhhh. I wud have a tough time explaning to her tomorow who u are...


5. When does skin meet skin, Hair meet hair & Balls disappear. Think.....
Answer: U dirty mind.... it happens when u blink ur eyes!


6. What's the height of innocence?
A 12 year old girl applying pimples cream on her breast!


7. Woman asked a man who is travelling with six children, are these kids all urs??
No, i work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.


8. Bride's dad hands a note to the groom: "GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE".
Groom gave another note back to him "CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN".


9. A girl phoned me the otherday and said "Come on over, there is nobody home".
I went over, Nobody was home.


10. Teacher: Why cows look depressed when they are milked?
Student: Ma'am, if someone presses ur b**** for 2hrs & doesnt f*** u, then how would you feel??


11. Do u know the full form of " BANGALORE".
Boys Asking for Naked Girls At Low Rate Everyday.


12. She took off his pant gently & whispered "make me a woman".
He smiled & threw the pant at her and said, GO WASH IT!!!.


13. Son asks difference between confidence and confidential, Dad says, you are my son, im confident.
Ur friend is also my son, thats confidential!


14. 1st sardar: Mumbai is the best city, ALL Free, Pickup, Drop, Food, Drink, Hotel even Sex.
2nd sardar: When did u go?
1st sardar: Not me, my wife went, she told me.


15. What do u call a prostitute, wife & girl friend in mobile language...
Prepaid, Postpaid & Demo card.


16. Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time; we shud talk abt sex.
Daughter: Sure mom, tell me wat u want to know.
Mom: ##??!!

17. Difference between Good & Bad Girls.
Good Girls open a few buttons in hot atmosphere. But the Bad Girls open all buttons to make the atmosphere hot.


18. Friend to sardar: Why are u going for a birth control surgery for the ninth time?
Sardar: What to do yaar, my wife still keeps getting pregnant.


19. Husband and Wife are just like two tyres of a vehicle.
Even if one punctures, the vehicle cant move further. So intelligent men always carry a stepney with them!!

(Source: Unknown!)

P**N!

PORN - what we never literally had in the pre-internet world. It is available absolutely free of cost in most websites and people worldwide have access to it, uninterrupted! There have always been debates about it and means of controlling its evergrowing reach. Parents freakout at the very thought of their school/college going offspring falling prey to it. They might not have to fear as much, but realize that it is a process of growing up.

Watching porn, however seldom or frequent, does not affect grown adults as much as it does adolescents. I have not heard stories of someone's life being ruined because of porn - people dont often turn school dropouts, college dropouts, office dropouts - nor do they turn in to sex-maniacs or 24x7 porn addicts! There are always exceptions, and as always, they can never be taken as examples. People who even longed to see porn for the first few times, get drastically disinterested in it after a while ('While' may range between few days to few decades!). After all, how long can anything keep an individual perenially interested in it? Porn is no different - plus there is no inquisitiveness that remains after seeing it a few times and it does not satisfy more than one sense! Too much theory is kinda over-burdening too!! Also what (if any) role porn directly or indirectly plays in rape/sexual abuse can never be actually determined; but can be much debated about. And the awareness it creates sometimes can be its rare positive as well, in certain situations!

The male and the female of the human species have androgens and estrogens, but the male hormone is primarily the androgen (testosterone) and the primary female hormone being estrogen. Studies have shown that there is a better correlation between sexual desire and testosterone levels in the body (female as well), compared to estrogen levels. Studies have also shown that the amount of testosterone in the male body can be roughly 30 times as much in the female body. Not twice, not thrice, not ten times, not even twenty, but THIRTY damn times! See the point?

Not surprisingly, the intended audience always seem to be young men for the porn film makers. Not many openly admit to seeing/watching porn, be it guys or girls. Statistics and surveys about frequent porn surfers may provide biased opinions against a particular sex or a particular age group; but the truth will never be known...

Happy Tamil New Year!

Iniye Thamizh Puthandu Nalvaazhthukkal!

The most abusive relationship!

If there is one relationship that I have to label as the "Most abusive relationship", it is undoubtedly the guy-girl relationship. If you are thinking that the person abused is the girl, then the current year is 1827. Please use a time machine to get ahead to 2006. This, I say, from just 'observing' things happening around me for the past 24 years!

The object, hitherto known as the "most abused commodity on earth", refers to the boy/guy/man. The beginning. Guys generally fall "head over heels" for the girl. There is no other way that they have known, since the time dinosaurs were playing hide-and-seek. Further research on identifying new ways have hit the road block. Guy then proceeds to worship the girl. Changes the "Temple" entry in his cell phone, to the girls hand phone number. Starts deleting his guy friends number one by one. Hangs a plate around his neck with the letters "I love you" ; girl sees the same plate and accidentally misreads it as "Abuse me". And she is more than happy to do that. Guy voluntarily and willingly does all these actions, not necessarily in the same order - picks her up from her house, drops her back after college, showers her with gifts, complements on her looks, feeds her ego, feeds her, always pays everywhere for everything, checks on her regularly to see if she is doing fine, does her laundry cause she feels tired and not-in-the-mood-to-do-laundry, lends a patient ear to hear her "politely" biatch her roomies, complements her cooking skills (this after she makes hot water and serves bisuits with tea), complements her dress sense, worries for her, protects her, babies her and what not!? Even God takes pity on that guy after seeing all this from heaven. All this to just get the girl. And when finally he confesses his love, girl conveniently replies that she is not looking for love right now and has always treated him "just like another friend". Yeah right. Another friend who just stopped living his life and started living yours. Girl continues to treat him as a "friend" and continues to get all dirty work done. Guy hopes that girl will change her mind one day and continues to be "willingly abused at all costs". If the guy manages to get that/any girl at that/any time in the future, he will have to continue to perform all these services. And much more to retain her, cause he knows that there are many other men like him in this world who dont respect themselves enough. Girl knows the power she has in the relationship. She was/is/will always remain in the drivers seat. And she will continue to cruelly treat the poor guy before/after marriage too. Girl treats him/ their kids/ their everything according to her terms and conditions. Of course guy accepts the terms and conditions well before marriage. Like how we accept the 7315 pages of terms and conditions, after carefully reading each and every word listed, and proceed to install any Software on the computer. The rules and agreements that she lists for him, ofcourse does not apply for her. She makes them, she breaks them. Guys are not given the liberty to make or break rules. They are just allowed to follow rules. Guy is very consciously programmed to be in the be-anywhere-do-anything-at-everywhere mode at the snap of her fingers. Guy should expect nothing in return from the relationship or from her, except what the girl decides to "offer" him. Take it or leave it situation for life. Guy realises his mistake now - zillion years after he first met her. Curses himself so much and waits for the sweet release of death. But atleast he knows that he has a window seat reserved for him in heaven. Thinking about it gives him a smile - for the first time in 35 years! Guy's life, dog's life, wutever!

This post is dedicated to a (ex)friend of mine who conveniently forgot the very existence of me and our other friends, after he willingly became a henpecked boyfriend. All just to have that girl in his life. My heart goes out to you/other guys in similar positions. No girl is worth any of this sh*t. Absolutely no one. Not even your mothers when they were in their 20's. Guys should stop doing all this and have more self worth. Respect yourself much more. Stop doing anything just for the sake of having anybody-remotely-looking-like-a-girl in your life. A girl that likes you for the person that you are, and respects you as much as you respect her, and loves you equally, will never expect you to do all these for her in the first place. Just realise that. You will be better off and the world will be a better place!

Gaabtun!

This is how our "Captain Planet" is going to save the masses after taking the plunge into politics!

Watch this:

Gaabtun alone!

Then watch this:

Gaabtun with Superstar!

PS: Source unknown! All credit goes to the original blogger ;-) !

Zodiac!

The 12 Sun signs make the Zodiac; the sun sign you represent is determined by your date of birth. Generally most people are aware of the name of their sun signs, even though they might not know the typical characterisitics that are associated with it. Even I was'nt. Until I read Linda Goodman's book. When I read the section of my Zodiac "Cancer", I felt that most of what was written was true. Then I went on to read the other sections and have observed as to whether people fit whatever is written about them. Not bull's eye, not all the time! But typically, yes. Most people definitely fit the basic characterisitics. Tenacious, Adamant, Selfish, Moody, Authoritative, Helping, Caring etc... are few of what is referred to. When I get to know someone's DOB, the first thing that comes to my mind is their sun sign and a sketch of their basic character. Enough to get me started. No, I dont judge them! Plus, even according to the book the characterisitics significantly differ depending on where the other planets were at the time of his/her birth, other than the sun. I don't know if any scientific explanation can be provided to all what the book says. Nevertheless, though I don't "stick-to-the-rules" of the book, more often than not, or by mere coincidence, I happen to believe in some of the things that the book says about me/you/anyone. Until I meet someone who happens to be a total mismatch, I shall go by it!

Do you think people believe in this!?

Airtel

I was shocked (pleasant!) to see ARR's Airtel ad in Prabhu's website. Since its been a while I had been to India, I did not know ARR started appearing in ads. Plus I like this ringtone, though I cannot use it here :(

Happens!

Ever wondered what you would do, when something that you least expect to happen and even worse, least wish to see it happen, happens!?

Scene 1: A couple years ago. Poor me. 5:00 pm. Monday. Walking from University to home. Was'nt feeling well, decide to bunk class that evening as only three of my senses were in proper working condition. The rest had taken a day off without prior notice. I was living with two other guys that time and our relationship with each other was not different from any other desi clan. Typical stuff. When I reached home, I just wanted to fling myself on the bed and wake up two days later. I managed to open the door of the apartment. The postman had slided the letters beneath the door as usual, but this time there was a girls T-Shirt as well with them. What!? Surprised, I picked the letters and lifted my head to see my roomie and his girl in compromising positions. Thankfully beneath the blanket. I silently freaked out and said "Sorry, mujhe itne jaldi vaapas aane ka koi irada nahi tha!" (Sorry, I was'nt planning on returning this early!). Oops.. Wrong (also long) sentence at wrong time (also place). How dumb could have anyone been!? I ran in to the restroom in the pretext of cleaning up and came back a good half-hour later to just see my roomie. Alone. But still in bed. After a few minutes of not-so-comfortable silence, he says "Saala, kisi ko bataya naa, maar kayega" (If you tell anyone, you will get hit). Darn. Yeah right. Anyways, that was the last day I ever went home before 9:00 pm. And closed doors give me the shrieks!

Scene 2: Things changed after that. I had different roomies now. All of them were single. Relieved me. No uncomfortable moments for a year now. Except for the one when I walked into a live figure painting class at University, mistaking it for my classroom. 100 eyes peering at me, and before they knew anything I was outta there. Darn, I forgot to knock again. But it was not that bad. There were other public as well. Not bad. Until a few nights later, when I opened my lab with the keys to see another desi junior and his girl doing some unmentionables. Me thinking to myself - At School!?. It was in the wee hours of the night. But still. Closed doors give me the shrieks, and I forget that!

The above two incidents are my responses to people at work, who make me a laughing stock everyday, for knocking on my cabin door (which I share with another person) every time during the day before I walk-in. These damn doors are freaking everywhere. And most of the them, most of the time, remain closed! At work, at school, at home, at wherever. Closed doors still continue to give me the shrieks!

RDB!

Saw Rang De Basanti today! It is a very nice movie and will do great business outside India. I am not going to come out with the spoilers though! Performances by everyone were darn good. Contrary to what I thought, it was not an Aamir Khan movie alone. He did not do any screen-stealing at all. And thank god for that (If it was SRK, the movie would have turned out very differently!). His performance, needless to say was excellent! Every character was etched beautifully and each of them do justice to the role. Atul Kulkarni, Sharman Joshi, Kunal Kapoor and Soha Ali Khan were extremely good. Madhavan, Om Puri, Waheeda Rehman, Anupam Kher and Kiron Kher chipped in equally with their performances as well. Siddharth's performance deserves a special menation. He was nothing short of fantastic (For the uninitiated, he played Vivek Oberoi's role in Yuva's Tamil version)! He emoted really well in the climax and had as much screen share as Aamir himself.

One specific scene that comes to my mind is, when they all wish to have a running race, Sharman zooms ahead just to see that others did not even start. Then they eventually start running when Sharman backs out (literally), except for Siddharth who just walks haphazardly, with coolers on, and a cigar in his hand. That was amazing!

8 points!

I have been tagged by Anck Su Namun (who I thought was actually a guy!) to do a 8 point post on my probable partner. And here are the 8 points for my probable Sati Savitri:

(1) She should (learn to) 'Love' me unconditionally and vice versa. No compromises here. Compatibility, honesty, trust, mutual respect et al will need to be added in appropriate proportions to the main dish 'Love', for the benefit of both and the very relationship.

(2) She should be strong. Jayalalitha kinda strong (not physically!). Seriously. She should be able to confidently face any adversity with dignity and not chicken out.

(3) I have seldom seen girls with a sense of humor (No offence, mebbe I have just known the wrong ones!). Being fun to be with definitely helps.

(4) She should be smart. Dumbness is a very difficult thing to be tolerated.

(5) She need not look good. Or even cook good. Period. I am interested in her being a beautiful person on the inside. Just looking presentable when going out will suffice. More than enough. There is no necessity to live on fat-free yoghurt, fat-free milk, fat-free water to maintain your shape! Spending loads of money on buying the makeup deparment at Macys and Filenes can be avoided. Infact, any makeup material known to mankind available in any size, shape, color, texture can be avoided. I hate lipsticks. I think it can go down in history as one of the worst inventions of all time. Personal opinion. No offence again. A person with a like-minded view on lipsticks is preferred! But sadly, the author knows it is highly improbable.

(6) She should not have loads of typical girlish characteristics! Anything within a tolerable limit is ok. Giggles, Gossips, Envy et al can be kept to the bare minimum. Tomboys more than welcome to come onboard!

(7) Mood Swings. I just dread this part. I am sensible enough to understand that every person gets moody once in a while, and girls tend to be more moody sometimes/days. Understood. But just dont be a different person everyday of the month. I will go bonkers!

(8) She should be down-to-earth and helpful and have an unbending spine of morals; and also be able to handle herself well in public.

Expecting a lot from your partner, but offering nothing in return is cheap. I shall strive ( :-) ) to offer all the qualities that I expect in my partner, in addition to living upto her minimum expectations!

PS: I lied. Good culinary skills definitely helps...

PPS: No need to change surname, middlename, roman numeral in your name (if any) later... I rather that she insist on keeping her dad's initial through life.. like my sweet mom :)

Couples

I have known a lot of 'couples' in the last three years. "Live-in" couples, "Eat-in-one-plate" couples, "You-dare-touch-me" couples, "You-can't-stay-overnight" couples, "Kuch-bhi-chalta-hai" couples, "Long-distance" couples, "Time-pass" couples, "Use-and-throw" couples.. "We-are-oblivious-to-the-existence-of-other-humans" couples.. "We-both-have-five ex'es" couples .. etc.. etc.. Many don't know where their relationship is heading; hell some don't even know whether they are in their fourth or eighth relationship (that is.. counting only ones after the new year' eve). On the other hand, there are these somewhat "genuine" types. They have been together thro' thick and thin for 7, 14 or 21 years (all multiples of 7), and are still going steady.

Sooner or later fate will decide such relationships. Well, options are not too many. Either they are heading towards wedlock or go their seperate ways, i.e., to their next bf/gf (Errrr... I told you before... there are never more than "2" choices... NEVER EVER ;-) ).

I have been a silent observer of these different types of people over time, and I have seen that most public in my friends group fall under this pattern --- has been a ex- or a current- or a would be- gf/bf of someone else in the same group (No... no same-sex partners that I know of). Someone's ex would have been my school-mate or someone is seeing my school-mate's ex or hitherto unknown cousin of best buddy etc.., and since desi gossip machines are always working overtime, hook-up and break-up news spread faster than California forest fires. Also, they happen at such speeds that it is almost impossible to keep one-self updated with the current flings of friends, even if the time frame is just a week.

Weekend party:

Me: "Hey! How are you? Where is Anchal/Bindu/Chitra/.....Who-ever-I-last-saw-you-with...?"

He: "Fine man. Have you met Karishma/Lakshmi/Meera... the-arm-candy-you-see-now-u dumbo...yet?"

Me: "Oops! Sorry I have'nt, (turning her way) Nice to meet you"

Then I go to the group of friends and I am informed of the news of "his" breakup with his ex, and also about the current betting scene as to how long these two would now last. Bets range anywhere between 18 seconds to 18 months. Also, group discusses other hook-up and break-up news of friends, friends of friends, friends of friends of friends... and then we finish our discussion after we reach Brad and Angelina thorugh our friends' circle (Wait.. How did we get to them.. Err.. Uh.. Who cares).

Given such a scenario, I always wonder what is on with the minds of most people. They all seem to be in a relationship for the heck of it, and "Being loved" is more important than "Loving". When it is fresh, they eat in the same plate, check each other's email, do each other's chores.., only to find themselves in a mess after the relationship ends and spooning enough for others to gossip about. No worries here, coz someone will be soon found to replace the one lost! It is hard to see that old values are being lost sooner than we realize and we are getting more "modern" or "western" and have somehow gotten the "kuch-bhi-chalta-hai" attitude.

And in this world, I sit here, lost and confused, searching for Sati Savitri in a "Girls-booze-free-all night" pub :(

Job (Touch wood)

I got a full time job, increasing the count of computer Engineers in the world by 1 (Touch wood). After graduating a few months ago, and working as an intern since then, this offer has come (Touch wood). But contrary to what I expected, I did not even feel the slightest excitement. Anyways, hope this does not fall through and am keeping my fingers crossed ...

2

Life always presents me with choices that I need to make at every important stage (apart from the daily routine ones), even though I don't ask for them most of the time. Though choices are always needed by an average individual to thoroughly analyze any situation and make an informed appropriate decision, I regret having them! Coz I always seem to have only 'two' proper choices - no more, no less! Either this or that; or nothing. Even if I had a myriad choices to begin with - I could always come up with a random algorithm to adjudge the pros and cons of each one, and discard all, but two! My algorithm ceases to give the best intented result after that. Don't know why. No amount of time spent will make way for one clear winner. No, there is no winner. It is just about the loser. I seem to lose equally (or lose more than, with the other one!) with either of them. The moment my heart picks one, the next second it goes out to the one I discarded. Sympathetic me. No, Indecisive me. No, Symapthetic me. I begin to realise that I will be losing this, and that, and that because of that; since I am not going to choose that/this. True, but this is more like a weighing-balance with no objects in either pan. What am I to do? I finally pick one (using a greedy-algorithm logic and making the best decision which is right for that moment; and that moment only). Years (read Seconds) down the lane, I always, always, always regret not picking the other option. My mind never ceases to imagine (fantasize!?) opportunities that I might have got had I chosen the other one; and those seem more rosy than what I have now - simply coz I picked 'this' instead of 'that'.

Therefore "2" happens to be the number that I wish could "Thu" and remove from the entire number system. We should have no choices, one or more than three, from which we could pick the ultimate option, but never two!